I spent the night with a crane driver called Andy - and I quite enjoyed it

Yep - it's true. I spent an entire night on top of a Crane Driver called Andy.

Luckily - there was a thin layer of plastic (no - it's not what you're thinking!)and 3 inches of mattress separating our bunks. Ahhhh - the joys of a shared cabin on an oil platform! Although - I will say - we did enjoy Outnumbered on the tv for a while and then entered into quite a learned debate about the differing offshore regulatory and safety reigimes employed around the world (yep - sad I know!).

After which point - I felt sorely tempted to utter a quick round of "Good night John Boy, Good night Ma, Good night Jim-bob" Waltons style - but thought the better of it. Not always a good move in a confined cabin a million miles from home. With the refrain from duelling banjo's ringing in my ears - I fell into a groggy sleep - courtesy of the world's crappest head cold.


Up at the crack of dawn yesterday and 12 hours later - on a chopper to BBQ central at my mates house. For a birthday party for their one year old. Of course - as soon as I hit the beach - I called Chris from my phone to reserve me his finest burger...he'd put one aside for me. There's loads! No fear!

I rested easy, safe in the knowledge that my burger was safely removed from the eating frenzy. I lumbered up to their house 2 hours later - bags in tow - and joined in the celebrations.

I went up to my wife and told her what I had done the previous night. Yes - I had slept with a crane driver the night before. "That's funny - So did I!" she said.

Ahhh - it's good to see the humour still thriving in our marriage. Without humour where would we be? Would Ronny Corbett ever have gotten married? Would I? Or maybe I'm getting that confused with alcohol. Without alcohol - definitely - no-one would get married, get together, get pregant, get into trouble. Imagine how organised life would be? Just imagine!

We sleep over. Our four year old next to me - the baby on the floor with mum! Half way through the night there is an almighty thud. It is the four year old rolling straight out of bed and lying face down on the floor still asleep. And now there's the missus shaking me and asking me why I'm holding onto a pillow instead of our son. Ooops. Easy mistake to make. Imagine if that pillow had fallen from the bed? Imagine the damage that could have been done to it. Pheweee. Close shave.

So we swap places and I sleep with the baby on the slowly deflating airbed on the floor. Does anyone actually own an air bed that doesn't deflate within at least one hour! I think it's some sort of inherent failure mode built into air bed design. B*stards!

Still - I sleep well. Dreaming of Miss Hoollie and singing a Balamorey song in my dreams. (Long story - but I'm not a weirdo!).

Today - a breakfast of kings at my mates house - and I'm in charge of the kids at key moments. Needless to say - only a trapped finger - a brush with the oven and a wrestle with a dinosaur later - and we are all well.

And the FA Cup is on in 2 hours...and the League one play-offs to boot! Oh yeah!

I never did get that burger though!