The Weekend of accidental bed wanderings, Cankles McGrane and the Duvet of Doom

Saturday morning and I stagger down the stairs and slump on the couch with my sister-in-laws and friends who've come up for the press launch the previous night.

"Boy I feel crap. But what a great night! How good was that?!" I say.

"Yeah. It was amazing."

Everyone agrees it was a roaring success.

I smile to myself. Happy in the knowledge that for once I didn't make an utter idiot out of myself. I go so far to tell everyone.

"Yeah - and I didn't make a fool of myself."

This is where my sister-in-law points out one little faux pas.

"Hmmmm...except for the bit where you wandered into my bedroom at four in the morning and tried to get me out of Declan's bed."

"Aha! I tried to get you out of Declan's bed! OUT OF BED! Not INTO Bed! Although - to be honest - alot of girls would be throwing themselves in my way for that kinda action..." I narrowly avoid a Vulcan death grip.

Later that night I ask is she has "Cankles" - I never heard of this before - but "Cankles" are when your calf and ankle combine together into one giant indecipherable mess. I have never feared for my life so. Specially cos it just isn't true! I was just messing.

The girls get their own back during the day. Fintan convinces me to get inside his dinosaur duvet. I park my hangover and get in.

"Get in daddy! Get in the envelope!"

"It's a duvet Fintan - not an envelope."

"No daddy. It is an envelope. Fold it up and post it!" he states solemly and he proceeds to roll me like a piece of dough inside his duvet - in the living room whilst Strictly Come Dancing is on. Up and down inside his dinosaur duvet.

"I can't move Fintan. My arms are trapped. What happens next?"

"Attack!!! Tickle him! Attack him! Sit on him! Sit on the envelope!"

And out of bloody nowhere an entire McGrane family and Jez and Michele and my bloody one year old (traitor) jump on top of me and tickle my feet mercilessly whilst simultaneuolsy squeezing the breath from out my lungs. I don't think I ever laughed so hard.

And later - we play the Wii and I've never seen an entire family attempt to beat the crap out of each other with so much vigour! Funny. Very funny!

But back to Friday. We've rented Bishop Lloyd's Palace for the press launch cum booze-up for Dumb Luck. Bishop Lloyd died about four hundred years previous and his pad hasn't changed much since then.

Ceilings fifteen foot high, a ten foot wide fire-place that stretches into space. Even the mantle piece is higher than yer head! And wood pannelling was obviously de rigeur back in ye olde medieval days.

The Mcgrane Massive and Jez and Michele work their magic on the venue and it is transformed into a bona fide crime scene - police tape, dead body and murder weapon - all present.

As people arrive we direct them towards the booze and then the crime scene and ensure we capture their mugshots. Needless to say - this is gonna be blackmail of the highest order. If only one of them becomes a superstar then we're going straight to the red tops...(maybe).

We dress Chris as a policeman and DCI Richards is born. Chris - being a method actor of the highest calibre - instantly takes to the role.

The problem is - he's wearing a yellow Bob the Builder tabbard last worn by Fintan in 2009 and his policeman's hat is designed to fit a three year old. Every time he raises his arms or moves his head he loses circulation in his outer limbs.

I read a section from the book and this is when I realise that doing my world famous "Irish" accent in a roomful of Irish people may not be a good idea.

I think I get away with "Tree" instead of "Three" - and maybe they never noticed my "Feckin' this" and "fecky that's". I get home. My father in law asks me to put on a pair of moon boots he just found and suggests we head towards the canal to fetch some concrete.

The following day my hangover cure begins in earnest - by 11am I've consumed the following:-

3 ice lollies - (one pinneapple, one blackcurrant and one orange)
2 pieces of bacon
1 fried egg
2 ibuprofen
3 teas
23 baked beans
Bread (lots)
2 Swizzles Manard Drumsticks (meant for Halloween)
and a slice of Victoria Sponge Cake

It works. I feel fantastic by 2pm. And celebrate by steaming round the Grosvenor park on their toy railway with the kids.

All too soon the best weekend I've had in a very very long time is over and reality gets in the way temporarily. Until the next time...