Welcome welcome 2017 - year of the Honey Badger and officially not as bad as 2016 already.
You may have noticed the lack of blogging for the last 7 months. Only now can I reveal the true reasons for this. To avoid the full depressing political horror of last year I basically did a "Buck Rodgers" for the last 6 months and launched myself into space on a secret NASA funded mission to the outer edges of the solar system. During this period frozen in time - I only had Wilma and Twiki for company. When I returned to earth it was a bit of a head-wobbler.
A). I was expecting a baby with Twiki (a medical first) - the first cyborg hybrid AI ever created.
B). Colonel Wilma wasn't speaking to me.
C). The whole planet went officially stark raving stupid.
To make sense of the madness - I have decided to write a festive year-end poem which I submitted to Bob Dylan to read out at his Nobel Literature Prize ceremony in December. This was proof-read by Dr Theopolis, my good friend Buck and Princess Ardala (look her up - she's a close aquaintance of mine). It is entitled
F* you 2016!!!! GRRRRRR
Brexit - Trump - Leonard Cohen Gone - whose gonna sing me a depressing song?
R2 Leia Corbett no more
Who gonna get "fork handles" for the cutlery drawer?
Bowie no Bowie can it be true?
2016 - oh 2016 - go F*ck you!
But on a personal level - things were pretty ace. And so...in summary. Here's the bits of 2016 that we got a kick from:
The Queen had a Birthday which meant we got to sing Bohemian Rhapsody in the middle of Chester Town Centre. And whilst I may not be a big Queen fan - I am a big QUEEN FAN! Memories of softly singing this to Declan as a baby come to mind..."Mama I just killed a man..." one of his first words. So I was pleased for him to sing this in his school choir! On a shock note - my invite to the Palace went mysteriously missing in the post (The Royal Mail at that - so you'd think she could have put in a word there and traced the invite!)
We Met Buddha in Port Merrion. He was pretty chilled.
The kids carried out a pitch invasion of the 18th hole at Selsden Park Golf Course and then hid in a tree. Cunning eh? The Golfers never knew what hit them with that surprise attack!
The Clangers are proper Head Bangers! Eight feet brick Sh*thouses now hired out as Bouncers at outdoor festivals... I tried but failed to get back in the Rave tent
Never paddle a plastic canoe down a French rapids backwards. This is the easiest way to capsize, smack your head on a rock, lose your paddles, shoes, wallet, keys, canoe and your kids. Apparently that kind of accident could psychologically scar your 7 year old. Unless you get his catatonic ass back on the boat pronto (once someone goes and finds your boat, shoes and paddles for you and canoes upstream with them). Cheers Chris!!!!!
Mystery Beach Bum declares undivided love for me and Sarah...this is slightly unsettling but eventually we outran the guy onto the quicksand and left him for Dead...Phew. Close Shave!
Sam Quek invites me to a personal private, invite only special super secret meeting to get some Hockey Coaching tips off me and some of the lads.
The new Guinness Ad didn't go quite as Viral as expected. And Santa got p*ssed again...every year it's the same! Santa blames the moonshine Papa Elf makes - made from real juniper berries and reindeer dung
Good night - farewell and into the soft dark night 2016...see you on the other side...
Posts
